I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
