I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
