We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
