3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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