he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
