Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Randomize
