Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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