i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
two words...techno handjob
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Randomize
