They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
