I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
