I can feel you judging me through the phone.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
