I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
