I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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