the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
