I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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