I'm so fucking centered right now
More tranny stories later!
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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