i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
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