how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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