Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
