a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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