I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
