I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
