he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
