Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
