i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize