I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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