Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
