oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I just found puke in my bra..
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
