Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
