all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
