Me. At least after what I've been through.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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