Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
