we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
