I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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