I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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