ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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