we have officially lost it.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
