My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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