He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
be right there i have to get my cape
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
