ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
