I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
