Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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