I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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