How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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