so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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