respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
