I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
