Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
