I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
