i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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