The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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