ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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