im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
