The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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