He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
So much rum. So many feels.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
