I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
